Major Flashback

As I drove across town today a song came on the radio that threw me into a major flashback.  Every day as I rode the bus to and from Junior High School I would wait and hope for this particular song to play.  Each new song that started on the radio station that was broadcast over the bus sound system would get my heart racing in my desire for this song to be the next one to start.  It would make my day when I would finally get to hear the first few notes leading to the playing of this song.  Those were the days.  I of course have grown up and been exposed to many more songs that have become my "favorite" songs for differing times in my life but for that time span this was my favorite.

The Crack In The Curtain

There is a crack in the curtain that hangs by the side of my bead.  Every morning this crack allows just enough sunlight in to brighten the darkness of my room and slowly wake me up.  It doesn't matter if I have the chance to sleep in or if I want to grasp onto those last fleeting moments of sleep.  The deepest dream cannot defend against the light emanating from the crack in the curtain.  Morning rolls around, the sun comes up over the mountains, and the new day is announced by the light shining through the crack in the curtain.  I could fix the crack in the curtain.  I could put up new curtains, but no, the crack in the curtain is here to stay.

Ode To The Mini M&Ms

Up until two days ago I had no idea that I loved mini M&Ms.  The tiny crunch combined with the smooth chocolate inside create a harmony of taste and texture.  Normal M&Ms do not hold the same indulgence experiences that these small pieces of sugary goodness do.  Good thing they are so small because I don't feel  the need to eat as many of them as I would their larger counterpart.  It is amazing how each day can bring a new learning experience.  Even something as minute as eating a mini M&M can make a difference to your day.

Not Beads Of Glistening Perspiration But Droplets Of Legitimate Sweat

Scene:
Busy four way stoplight in a medium sized city.  Girl fighting to release a jammed bike chain from the bent gears of an overturned bicycle.  Hot car exhaust mingling with the above 90 degree weather to create an almost unbearable environment.

Actors:
Main Character: 26 year old girl in white blouse, jeans, and green converse tennis shoes.  A purple (used to be blue but faded by wear) shoulder bag normally slung across her shoulders flung off onto the grass to only be taken back up once the needed bike chain repairs were complete.
Supporting Characters: Adults, children, men, women, strangers.  Passerby's filling cars, buses and neighboring stores.

Main Conflict:
How will the girl get home if the bike chain cant be fixed?

Resolution:
Sweaty (not your subtle beads of perspiration that should be glistening off of those of the female gender but legitimate sweat), gear grease smudged, frustrated girl yanks twisted chain from its almost unyielding gear trap makes it home by sheer determination.

What a way to end the work day!!!!

Sleepy

Why is it that when you are tired the entire world feels heavy?  Your head weights a ton.  Your eyelids suddenly have so much mass to them that they cant possibly stay open.  Each move is made in slow motion.  Walking through knee high sludge is easier than walking from point A to point B when you are exhausted.

The Art of Grocery Shopping

When I go to the store to buy my regular boring everyday food to sustain me through the coming week shopping is a drudgery.  When I go to the store to buy ingredients for a culinary experience shopping is an art form.  Each ingredient has to be chosen with the utmost care.  Any blemish is quickly found and passed over in search of perfection.  Every item has to be touched, smelled, and thoroughly looked over.  Not just any tomato will do.  No mere sprig of Basil will suffice.  If I am going to put forth the effort to prepare something worthwhile than everything must come together in harmony.

Even after the shopping is completed the art does not end.  Not only must the ingredients be at peak readiness but so must my kitchen and my culinary tools of the trade.  Each knife is honed to its proper sharpness.  Each plate, cutting board, and utensil is in it proper place at the ready for when it is called upon to perform its unique and individual duty.  Precise movements and calculated steps come together in a symphony of preparation.  An everyday activity combines with a world of possibilities and life takes on more meaning.  Art becomes reality.

Living Up The 1st Day Of Summer

June 21st was evidently the first day of summer.  It took me about half of the day to learn this but luckily I had plans that helped me live it up.  It was definitely a good way to complete the day.  I went night swimming at the local pool.  I haven't had that much fun in a while.  I also haven't been so sore in a long time.  Between shivering (it was a cold night) and swimming I received quite the workout.

Yes I went down both slides
 and loved the steep one the best!

Pictures curtsy of the pools website.  It was much darker at the time and I didn't bring a camera.

The Power of Cinema

Today I watched a movie that fairly changed my life.  It doesn't matter what movie.  It doesn't matter where I watched it, why I watched it, or who else may have watched it as well.  It struck emotions in me that made life better and put things into perspective.  I'm not even sure that anyone else would feel the same way about this movie as I did or even that I could feel the same things if I watched it again, but for this one time viewing it was exactly what I needed.

Movies have a way of shaping our lives.  The characters are able to say what we wish we could say.  They are able to do what we wish we could do.  Movies give us a chance to root for the good guy and boo the bad guy.  We are able to pick sides and desire the happy ending.  Where else can you go and experience so many emotions in the space of two hours?

For a time span of about three months I started to write a movie.  It gave me a purpose and direction during a time in life when I was struggling with what my purpose was.  I have yet to finish the story that I started but I know that I will.  The characters that I started to develop need a resolution.  They need to have a conclusion to the world and situations that I have placed them in.  In a way as I leave them hanging I leave myself hanging.  Finishing what you start is important and leads to satisfaction.

Ever Googled Yourself

I was bored the other night as I hung out with my brother and through my boredom I decided that I wanted to Google myself (something that up until this point I had heard of people doing but had never done myself.).  I didn't think that I would be able to find myself but to my amazement there I was.  Occasionally intermingled with all the other girls with my same name there would be a website, article, or update about me.  What a shock!  Who knew that I could be found in random places on the internet.  There was my article I wrote for the newspaper my first year of college that got published and lead to my English Professor giving me an A for the semester.  There was my contact information for my new job.  There I was on Facebook as well as a website from my High School days.  Seriously who knew???

The other thing that I learned from this random happenstance was that I am not all that unique in my name.  A lot of girls out there have my name.  Good thing it is such a great name! = )

Beauty In The World

I had a coworker share this short film with me at work the other day after we discussed Mount Everest and Mount Kilimanjaro.  It is amazing the beauty that we have in the world.  I truly admire the people that strive sometimes beyond their abilities to conquer the insurmountable.

Places I Want To Go, Thing I Want To Do, Sight I Want To See

Place I want to go:
1) England
2) Norway
3) Hawaii (been there, done that, want to do it again)
4) Ireland/Scotland (I know they are vastly different places but I always chunk them together in my mind)
5) Sweden
6) Denmark
7) New Zealand (Sorry dad I would say Australia but there is that thing about me and spiders)
8) Italy
9) Greece
10) Maine

Things I want to do:
1) Learn how to fly a plane
2) Write a book
3) Travel the world (obviously from my last section)
4) Skateboard (though I have been cautioned not to do this because I don't have good balance on my own two feet)
5) Rock climb to the top of a mountain
6) Be in a movie
7) Skydive (possibly, still on the edge with this one)
8) Discover something amazing
9) Pet a white tiger (preferably a cub so that I don't have the chance of being eaten by it)
10)  Live on a beach

Sights I Want To See:
1) The Louvre
2) Mt Everest (from base camp)
3) The Library of Congress
4) The Color Festival
5) The inside of any mansion (preferably old ones)
6) The Titanic
7) Backstage of a concert
8) A paid in full letter for my car
9) The road to the sun
10) The Loch ness monster

Pride - My Downfall

I spent the evening lost.  I had an activity (water kickball) to go to and I was excited for it.  The night was going to be so much fun.  How can you miss out on water kickball?  Kickball, friends, water, and sun.  Who wouldn't want to go to that?  Too bad I was lost.  Couldn't find the meeting place.  Couldn't find the park it was going to be at.  Couldn't even drive fast enough to follow the kid I knew was headed that way in his car.  Why then didn't I call someone to tell me where I was supposed to be or what I was missing in the directions....PRIDE.  I hate to admit to people that I can't do something on my own.  Darn pride!!!!  I could have had a blast but instead I wandered around aimlessly and then went home.  Why???  Stupid pride!!!!

Lunch With A Jumping Spider

Spiders (eek), I am NOT a fan.  I know that they have their use and place in the world because they are good at taking care of bugs, but I would rather not see them (like ever) as they fulfill their purpose in life.  They just have so many eyes and legs.  Plus I know that most of them wont bite me and more often than not I wont come in contact with a poisonous one that will kill me but still (shudder).  Again, I am just NOT a fan, so why did I have lunch with a jumping spider?  Well it was only partially by choice.

For years I have never taken a lunch break at work.  I would always rather work through my lunch and go home early than take a break.  The only thing is that now that I have a new job I have a lunch break that I have to take.  To make it a little more bearable to me (it really isn't that bad and I now know why people enjoy taking a lunch break) I would go up to the 2nd floor of my office building and eat lunch while looking out of the floor to ceiling windows that have a wonderful view of the mountains and the lake.  I would also take this opportunity to read a little in whatever book I was reading at the time.  It was heavenly.  I could ignore all the buildings around me and just enjoy the scenery.  I loved this part of my day but sadly it was not to last.  As a smart business move my employers have now leased out the offices that were vacant on the 2nd floor and since there is now another business using that area I can no longer eat my lunch in the spot that I had made my own.  Time to find a new spot.

Enter the jumping spider.  For the last couple of days I have started to eat my lunch outside underneath a small pine tree.  Not a bad place to enjoy the outdoors and the nice cool shade while eating lunch, but of course now I have the enjoyable task of fighting off the local wild life (insects, bugs, creepy crawlies, whatever you would like to call them).  Today was no exception.  I'm usually pretty good at ignoring these companions that join me through lunch, because who knows maybe they are just as interested in my book as I am, but today I had a companion that just was not welcome.  He started (I assume) by jumping on my hat.  He then jumped down onto my shirt (I noticed him but didn't focus enough to figure out what he was).  He then proceeded to jump onto my book (I fully became aware of what he was then).  Now was my time to internally freaked out and I probably would have jumped clear to the top of the pine tree if I were in a jumping position.  Luckily I held in my impulse to flee for my life and just flicked him off my book.  Needless to say lunch was over at that point and I went back into the building.  Possibly time to find a new new spot???

Learning I Can Do Hard Things

Last week I learned that I can do hard things.  I can.

My parents are currently serving a mission at a girls camp and 2 times during the summer their family is able to go up and visit them.  As such my brother, my sister, her husband, and myself when up there to visit them. As soon as we got there they took us straight to a couple of the challenge courses that the girls get to do while they are there at the camp.  On one of the challenge courses you climb what is very much like a telephone pole (that is a foot off the ground and sways) with notches in the sides up to a wire that you then have to cross and go down a zip line.  Everyone in my family got the opportunity to do this challenge course.

The first time I climbed it (it took me 2 tries) I reached about the 3/4 mark where you have to switch your feet in a tiny notch and I fell off.  I couldn't quite figure out how to fit both of my feet into the notch so that I could keep climbing.  Also the man that was anchoring me was trying to help by pulling up on the rope which actually started to pull me away from the log.  I couldn't hold on anymore and I had to release my grip and be lowered down.  I then sat on the sideline and stared at the log that had defeated me.  I couldn't let it win.  I couldn't be the one that didn't make it.  I tried again.

That's Me (picture courtesy of my sister)

The second time when I reached the spot that I had to switch my feet I just concentrated and did it.  I then just had the "easy" task of walking across a long wire to a platform.  Until that Saturday I have never been afraid of heights but walking across that shaky wire with the constant threat of losing my grip, I was terrified. There is now a picture of me out there that shows how I look when I am feeling shear and complete terror.

After making it across the wire it was a breeze (if only).  I made it to the platform and only had the last task of riding down a zip line.  You would think that this would be the best part and the pay off to all the hard work and determination required in the first two part of this challenge course.  For me though, you would be wrong.  Zip lines are not an easy thing for me to do.  When I was younger my uncle had a zip line in his backyard (still does) and on one of our Sunday evenings that we get together as an extended family I decided to go down the zip line.  This was a bad choice for me because as would be my luck the zip line decided to break as I rode it.  I fell a long ways (it was a very long fall for a kid of my age) and I landed hard on my back.  Have you ever had those experiences where the wind is knocked completely out of you?  Well that happened to me and for what felt like an eternity I couldn't breathe.  Finally I was able to catch my breathe.  That is why zip lines are not an easy thing for me to do, but I had made it that far and I was going to finish what I had started.  I took a deep breath and took that leap of faith off of the platform.  As can be attested by the fact that I am alive and writing this to you today I made it.  Therefore I can do hard things.

The Best Laid Plans

Today as I got ready for the day I had a brilliant idea.  I decided that after church was over I would walk home (a good hour and a half walk) and enjoy the world without the distractions of everything around me.  I wasn't even going to take my Ipod with me to listen to music as I walked.  To accomplish my new plan for the afternoon I was even good and decided to put my green Converse shoes in the shoulder bag that I always take with me to church (there was no way that I was going to walk home in heals and I wasn't going to wear tennis shoes to church).  The only problem is that as soon as church ended and I walked outside I realized that it was just too hot and my roommates car was much more inviting than walking home in 90 degree and above weather.  So much for my great plan.  Isn't that the way that things happen though.  Your best ideas can change in an instant.  Maybe I will be good and go for that walk tonight when it is much cooler.  Plus I wont we the weird girl walking all over town in a skirt and green Converse tennis shoes.

Things That I Love and Things That I Hate

LOVES (these are in no particular order)
1) Sunshine on my face.
2) Cool crisp fall days (I love the feel, the smell, and the colors of fall).
3) My bike.
4) Motorcycles (especially my brothers, but not bullet bikes).
5) My family (of course).
6) Reading (Ella Enchanted has been my favorite book since 3rd grade).
7) Daisies (especially Gerbera daisies).
8) The color green (as shown by this blog).
9) Lemonade (I don't like the color pink, but pink lemonade is my favorite).
10) Big Pink Cookies (again pink is not my favorite but for some reason I love these cookies).
11) Chocolate chip cookies and milk.
12) Movie music (I think that this is a genre that is overlooked far too often).
13) My "new" shoes. (I needed new shoes and happened to stop by a yard sale that had a pair of green Converse shoes that were my size for 50¢.  I love the color green, I have always wanted a pair of Converse shoes, and 50¢ is a price I can get behind).
14) My Ipod (It was given to me as a graduation gift when I got my Bachelors degree and it has a great quote on the back by Mohammad Ali, "Don't count the days, make the days count.").
15) GOOD Movies.
16) Psych, Dr. Who, Midsomer Murders, Phineas and Ferb, and Boy Meets World (these would be my top  5 favorite shows but there are some close runners up).
17) My computer (I have to say that I love my computer, it isn't amazing, but it is perfect for my needs).
18) Hopes, dreams, and my imagination.
19) Chocolate in general.
20) Etc...(there are a lot of things that I love, but I will leave it at this for now).

HATES (this wont be as long)
1) Unkept promises or suggestions (the whole we should do this and then it never happens).
2) Loneliness.
3) Fish (not in general, just eating it).
4) Coconut.
5) Being toooooo hot.
6) Being toooooo cold.
7) My bed (only because it leans to one side though I did finally switch the mattress around so that it now leans against the wall and doesn't make me feel like I'm rolling off the bed so it isn't as bad).
8) Running (seriously who LOVES running, it is just not an enjoyable activity to me).
9) Getting dirty without having a reason behind it.
10) People that enjoy making other people feel less than they are.
11) Oh ya, don't forget SPIDERS (yuck)!!!!!!!

My Dad's Saying

My dad has a saying, "change only happens when the pain of same out-weighs the pain of change".  Now I'm not one to like standing still, but I've also discovered that change isn't always that enjoyable.  As of late I've had a lot of changes happening in my life as I strive to be a strong independent woman and with all of these changes I'm learning to take life one moment at a time.  Don't get me wrong, while change isn't always that enjoyable it does have those great moments that make it all worthwhile.  As a way to appreciate all the changes in my life and realize how much life has given me I've decided to share some of the experiences that I have with you.

I'm not really certain how well I will do at writing a blog, but if your willing to go through this journey with me I'm willing to give it a try.